Philokalia Ministries
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6 days ago
6 days ago
Third Reflection Lenten Retreat 2026 When God Begins to Take Everything
On the Delusion of Belonging to God While Still Belonging to Oneself “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?”
Matthew 27:46
There comes a point in the spiritual life when the man can no longer recognize himself.
Until this point, he has struggled with visible things. With sins. With distractions. With passions that moved through his body and mind. He struggled to restrain them. He struggled to purify himself. He struggled to become faithful.
This struggle had structure. It had direction. It had meaning. He could see what he was fighting.He could measure progress.He could recognize failure and repentance.
He lived with the sense that he was moving toward God. Even when he failed, he knew where he stood.Even when he fell, he knew he could rise.His existence had continuity.
His identity had stability.He was a man seeking God.He knew himself as such.Then something begins to happen that he cannot understand. God removes not sin, but support.Not temptation, but stability.Not rebellion, but ground.
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Prayer continues, but something within it has disappeared. The words remain. The effort remains. The intention remains. But life has receded.He speaks to God, but he does not experience being heard. He calls, but nothing answers.
He remembers when prayer gave him warmth, when the name of Christ carried sweetness, when he felt himself held in a presence greater than himself.
Now that presence cannot be found.He does not know whether it has left or whether he has.
St. Isaac the Syrian writes that there is a stage in which God withdraws the perceptible operation of grace so that the soul may be taught that it does not possess Him.
This withdrawal is not punishment.It is revelation.Until this point, the man believed he depended on God. Now he sees that he depended on his experience of God. He depended on the stability that experience gave him. He depended on the sense that he knew where he stood. This sense has now been taken.He no longer knows where he stands.He no longer knows what he is.He no longer knows how to locate himself before God.
Evagrios says that when grace withdraws, the soul is handed over to knowledge of its own powerlessness.
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Not intellectual knowledge. Existential knowledge.
The man discovers that he cannot produce even the smallest movement toward God by his own strength.
He cannot restore what has been taken. He cannot recover the life he once knew. He cannot make himself alive again. This knowledge terrifies him.
Because until now, he has lived with the assumption that he existed. That he endured.That he remained himself across time.That his relationship with God was something he inhabited.
Now even this has dissolved.
He experiences groundlessness.
Not emotional instability.
Ontological groundlessness.
He cannot find the place within himself from which he once lived.
St. Macarius the Great says that until the soul passes through abandonment, it cannot be freed from the illusion that it possesses life.
This illusion is so subtle that even humility cannot destroy it. The man may believe he is nothing.He may confess his weakness.He may acknowledge his dependence.
And still exist as the center of his own life.
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God removes this center.Not suddenly.But completely.The man cannot stop this process. He cannot preserve himself.
He cannot secure himself.Everything he relied on to know himself has been taken.This produces the deepest temptation.Not the temptation to sin.The temptation to restore himself.To rebuild identity.To recover stability.To become again the one he was.Many do this unconsciously.They reconstruct their religious self.They recover certainty.They regain structure.They resume existing as before.And they lose something they do not understand.They lose the possibility of union.Because union requires the disappearance of the one who lives apart from God.
St. Paul writes with terrifying clarity, “For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.” Colossians 3:3
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Hidden.Not strengthened.Not improved.Hidden.The man can no longer find himself.Because he no longer exists where he once lived.Christ entered this darkness fully.“My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?”He entered the experience of abandonment.Not because He had lost the Father.But because He had surrendered every human ground.He stood where man stands when nothing remains.So that man could stand there and live.St. Silouan says, “Keep thy mind in hell and despair not.”Hell is the place where every support has been removed.Where the self cannot preserve itself.Where existence depends entirely on God.The ego cannot survive here.This is its death.The man who remains here without turning back passes beyond himself. But he does not yet know this.He knows only loss.
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Only absence.
Only the disappearance of the one he believed himself to be.
This is the threshold of resurrection.
But resurrection cannot yet be seen.
Only death can be seen.
And the man must remain.
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This is the most terrible mercy God gives to those He draws near.
Because as long as the man can still find himself, he still lives from himself.
As long as he can still locate stability within his own experience, he has not yet been born of God.
Christ said, “Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.” John 12:24
Remains alone.Even if it is righteous.Even if it is faithful.Even if it believes itself to belong to God.As long as it remains intact, it remains alone.
St. Sophrony writes that God allows the soul to descend into this darkness so that it may learn to exist from Him alone and not from any created support, including its own experience of grace.
This descent feels like death because it is death.The death of psychological continuity.The death of spiritual self recognition.The death of the one who could say, I am the one who prays.
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Now prayer continues.
But the one who prayed cannot be found.
The Jesus Prayer may still be spoken.
The lips may still move.
The mind may still form the words.
But the center from which it once came has been shattered.
The man stands before God without himself.
This is why the psalmist cries, “I am forgotten like one dead, out of mind; I am like a broken vessel.” Psalm 30:12 LXX
Forgotten.
Broken.
Without place.
Without continuity.
Without self possession.
St. Isaac says that when the soul enters this stage, it feels itself suspended between existence and non existence.
It cannot return to what it was.It cannot yet see what it will become. It cannot move forward.It cannot move back.It can only remain.This remaining is crucifixion.Christ did not descend from the Cross.
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He remained.He did not preserve Himself.He entrusted Himself.“Father, into Your hands I commend My spirit.” Luke 23:46 This is the final act of abandonment.Not abandonment by God.Abandonment of oneself into God.
Archimandrite Zacharias writes that at this stage, man learns true obedience. Not obedience of action, but obedience of being. He no longer acts from himself. He no longer preserves himself. He exists in radical dependence.
This dependence feels like non existence. Because the ego cannot live this way. The ego requires ground.Continuity.
Self possession.Identity.God removes all of it.Not to destroy the person.But to reveal the person.Because the person does not exist in himself.The person exists in God.St. Paul writes, “For in Him we live and move and have our being.” Acts 17:28 Not alongside Him.Not with assistance from Him.
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In Him.
When this is seen, the man understands that his previous life, even his spiritual life, was sustained by illusion.
He believed he lived.
He believed he endured.
He believed he remained.
Now he sees that he does not possess existence.
Existence is given.
Moment by moment.
Breath by breath.
“God withdraws His breath, and they perish and return to their dust.” Psalm 103:29 LXX
The man feels this.Not as theology.As reality.He feels that if God does not sustain him, he will cease. Not morally.
Ontologically.
This is why fear arises.
Not fear of punishment.
Fear of non being.
But if the man remains, something begins to happen that he cannot yet perceive.
A new center begins to emerge.
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Not located within himself.
Located in God.
Christ begins to live where the ego once lived.
This is why St. Paul says, “It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.” Galatians 2:20
Not metaphor.
Ontological fact.
The old center has died.
A new center has been given.
St. Silouan writes that when man descends into this hell and remains with faith, the Lord Himself becomes his life.
Not as comfort.As existence.The man no longer lives toward God.He lives from God.But before this becomes clear, there is only darkness. Only abandonment.Only the terrible silence of God.
St. Sophrony says that this silence is not absence, but the deepest form of presence. God is acting beyond perception, dismantling the final illusion that man possesses himself.
The man feels forsaken. But he is being carried. He feels abandoned.
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But he is being born.
This is the third dismantling.
Not the destruction of sin.
Not the destruction of righteousness.
The destruction of the illusion that one belongs to God while still belonging to oneself.
God takes everything.Even the man’s experience of belonging to Him.So that the man may finally belong to Him completely.And the man must remain.Without returning.Without rebuilding.Without preserving anything.He must remain in the darkness where Christ Himself stood. “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?”And wait for the life that only God can give.
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Monday Mar 02, 2026
Monday Mar 02, 2026
The Dismantling of the Religious Self
Four Lenten Reflections on Delusion, Abandonment, and the Life That Remains in God
“Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.”John 12:24
Second Reflection The Violence We Call Righteousness
On the Ego That Survives Inside Virtue
“They being ignorant of God’s righteousness, and seeking to establish their own righteousness, have not submitted themselves unto the righteousness of God.”Romans 10:3
When the man sees that fulfillment cannot be found in religious life itself, he turns toward righteousness.
He disciplines himself. He purifies his conduct. He restrains his passions. He orders his thoughts. He seeks purity.
Outwardly, transformation occurs.
Inwardly, something remains untouched.
The ego survives.
It survives inside virtue.
St. John Climacus writes that vainglory completes every virtue the man performs.
It attaches itself to fasting.It attaches itself to prayer.It attaches itself to obedience.
It whispers: This is yours.Virtue becomes possession.The man begins to live from righteousness.He experiences himself as stable because he is righteous.He trusts his righteousness.This trust separates him from God.Because union with God requires the loss of trust in oneself as source of life. The Pharisee stands before God and speaks truth.He fasts.He obeys.He lives faithfully.And remains separate.Because he still exists as the center of his own existence.The tax collector possesses nothing.He cannot lift his eyes.He does not trust himself.Christ says he goes home justified.Because justification belongs to the man who has nothing left to preserve. St. Isaac says that until the soul despairs of itself, it cannot rest in God.Not emotional despair.Ontological despair.
The knowledge that one does not possess life. Righteousness that preserves the ego prevents union. Because union requires death.Not moral improvement.
Death.The man must lose the self that lives apart from God. Virtue cannot substitute for this death.Virtue can conceal it.The ego can survive indefinitely inside righteousness. And remain alone.⸻This is the most dangerous stage of the spiritual life. Because sin is obvious.But righteousness can conceal separation.The sinful man knows he is sick.The righteous man believes he is alive.
Christ said to the church of Laodicea, “You say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not knowing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked.” Revelation 3:17
This is not addressed to pagans.This is addressed to believers.To those who have acquired religious identity.To those who possess righteousness and draw life from it.
They do not feel their need.
They do not cry out.
They do not seek life because they believe they possess it.
This is why Christ says, “I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.” Luke 5:32
Not because the righteous do not need Him.But because those who believe themselves righteous cannot receive Him. They are full.And God only fills the empty.
St. Sophrony writes that the greatest tragedy is when man begins to live from himself rather than from God. Even if this life is clothed in virtue, it remains separation. It remains death.
Virtue can purify behavior without destroying autonomy.
It can cleanse the exterior while leaving the center untouched.
Christ speaks with terrifying clarity about this.
“You clean the outside of the cup and the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self indulgence.” Matthew 23:25
The outside can be purified. The inside can remain intact. The ego does not resist virtue. It feeds on virtue.
It incorporates virtue into itself. It expands through virtue.
It becomes righteous.
And this righteousness becomes its shield against God.
Because God does not come to improve the ego.
He comes to crucify it.
St. Paul says, “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.” Galatians 2:20
This is not metaphor.This is the destruction of the autonomous center of existence.As long as the man lives from himself, even virtuously, he remains separate. Because life belongs only to God.
St. Silouan the Athonite saw this with terrible clarity. He had labored greatly. He had prayed. He had struggled. He had purified himself. And yet the Lord allowed him to descend into hell.
Not because he was sinful.But because righteousness had not yet been shattered.And Christ said to him, “Keep thy mind in hell, and despair not.”Not because hell was his destination.But because only in the destruction of self trust could union be born. As long as the man stands on his own righteousness, he stands alone. Only when this ground collapses does he begin to stand in God.
Archimandrite Zacharias writes that God allows even the virtuous man to see his utter poverty so that he may cease drawing life from himself. This is the blessed despair that gives birth to true life.
This despair is not psychological collapse.
It is ontological revelation.
The revelation that without God, one does not exist.
Christ says, “Apart from Me you can do nothing.” John 15:5
Not less.
Nothing.
Not even righteousness.
When this is seen, virtue loses its power as identity.
It remains.
But it no longer belongs to the man.
It becomes the life of Christ within him.
Before this death, virtue belongs to the ego.
After this death, virtue belongs to God.
This is why the saints do not trust their righteousness.
They fear it.
They flee from it.
Abba Poemen said, “A man may appear to be silent while his heart condemns others. Such a man is talking constantly.”
Outward virtue.
Inward autonomy.
Separation remains.
Another elder said that even if a man raises the dead but trusts himself, he has lost everything.
Because union is not achieved by virtue.
It is achieved by death.
This is why the saints see themselves as sinners even when they are purified.
Not because they deny reality.
But because they do not live from themselves.
They live from God.
St. Isaac writes that the man who has truly seen himself is greater than the man who raises the dead.
Because he has seen the truth.
He has seen that he does not possess life.
He has seen that all righteousness belongs to God.
This vision destroys the ego at its root.
And only when the ego dies can God become life.
Until then, righteousness remains violence.
Violence against truth.
Violence against union.
Violence against love.
Because it preserves the illusion of existence apart from God.
The elder Sophrony says that as long as man attributes righteousness to himself, he remains enclosed within the prison of his own being.
He cannot escape. He cannot breathe. He cannot live.
Only when righteousness is lost as possession does it become life.Only when the man ceases to exist as source does God become his existence.
This is why Christ says, “Whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.” Matthew 16:25
Not improves it.Finds it.Because it did not belong to him before. This is the second dismantling.Not the destruction of sinful identity.The destruction of righteous identity. Not the loss of vice.The loss of ownership of virtue.The loss of oneself as the one who lives. Until this death occurs, the ego survives. It survives inside prayer.It survives inside obedience.It survives inside humility itself.It survives inside righteousness.And remains forever alone.
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Text of chat during the group:
01:28:35 Danny Moulton (Lakeside, Ohio): I’m wondering how fear and ego interplay in producing unhealthy religiosity. It seems to me ego and fear are two sides of the same coin. Ego is fed when we think we are righteous and doing religion right, but fear calls the shots when we think we are unrighteous and doing religion wrong. It seems both can lead to obsession with something other than Divine love. The Apostle John says that perfect love drives out fear. I believe this is absolutely true, but fear sure can put up a good fight at times.
01:32:27 Fr Martin, Arizona: What do you think of this? Shortly after arriving at my first parish, I told my spiritual father about all the things I would change. He said, “Check with God. He didn’t give you the football and tell you to run with it. What if God send you there to fail?”
01:33:46 Jaden Abrams: Father, bless! I was really impacted by these last two talks, thank you very much. What change can I make today to die to myself and stop sitting next to the vine.
01:35:31 Kate: When you speak about the death of the ego, is it more like a process of dying rather than something that is accomplished once and for all? And I find my self asking how, how does the ego die? Is it a simultaneous process of the dying of the ego and the soul growing in union with Christ?
01:40:29 Una: I was a complulsive A-getter in college, too. Thank you for sharing.
01:41:05 Angela Bellamy: Reacted to "Father, bless! I was..." with ❤️
01:42:47 Shannon: It feels must bleed out our ego and diappear into the darkness in order for God to turn light. Not knowing where the next step, but trusting in God. We disappear into prayer/ looking through window with lamps lite hearts
01:44:16 Fr Martin, Arizona: Today’s retreat convicted me. I’m not sure where to begin poking at my sense of self-identity and autonomy. My anxiety reveals to me that I harbor some delusions about myself. I used to visit a Romanian monk who was imprisoned and tortured by communists. Surprisingly, he never complained about that. Rather he said to me once, “Before I was imprisoned, I knew God in my books. After I was alone in prison, I found God in my heart.”
01:45:02 Jaden Abrams: How do I go about finding a spiritual Father? Am I supposed to choose, discern, let him "come to me", combination of all? I have fallen in love with the east in general and am immersing myself as much as possible please pray for me.
01:47:13 Julie: Reacted to "How do I go about fi…" with 🙏
01:48:13 Jaden Abrams: Replying to "Today’s retreat conv..."
Father, bless! Thank you for sharing that. Very powerful.
01:48:49 Jessica McHale: Reacted to "How do I go about ..." with 🙏
01:49:13 mstef: Sounds like passive purgation.
01:49:23 IVAN: Reacted to "How do I go about ..." with 🙏
01:52:24 Eddy: 45 minutes south of HTM and guided by Fr Agapatos from HTM
01:52:51 Julie: Reacted to "45 minutes south of …" with 🙏
01:52:55 Jessica McHale: Finding Philokalia Ministries changed my life--praise God.
01:53:20 Jesssica Imanaka: Replying to "Finding Philokalia M..."
Same!
01:53:26 Jaden Abrams: Thank you!
01:53:30 Art: Reacted to "Finding Philokalia M..." with 👌
01:53:33 Danny Moulton (Lakeside, Ohio): Ditto!
01:53:43 Julie: Reacted to "Finding Philokalia M…" with 👌
01:53:45 Jaden Abrams: Reacted to "{BAA35089-E138-45DD-AC25-095FB0D603EF}.png" with ❤️
01:53:49 Jaden Abrams: Reacted to "45 minutes south of ..." with ❤️
01:54:04 Joan Chakonas: Yes hearing you read is everything.
01:54:09 Fr Martin, Arizona: Replying to "Today’s retreat conv..."
Thanks
01:54:11 Kevin Burke: Reacted to "Finding Philokalia M…" with 👌
01:54:32 Art: Thank you Father!
01:56:08 Kevin Burke: Thank you Father, this has really awakened my soul!
01:56:42 Maureen Cunningham: Thank You Father Thank You everyone. This is so important We get to step out of World And be with Christ, so we can grow into disciples
01:56:48 Andrew Adams: Thanks be to God! Thank you, Father!
01:56:51 Rebecca Thérèse: Thank you☺️
01:56:53 Bob Čihák, AZ: Bless you and thank you, Father!!
01:57:10 David Swiderski, WI: Thank you Father may God bless you, your mother and this group.
01:57:14 Janine: Thank you Father…great beautiful retreat!
01:57:16 Lorraine Green: Thank you
01:57:57 Jessica McHale: Amen! Thank you! Many prayers for you (and your mother)!
01:58:01 Kevin Burke: 🙏
01:58:04 Elizabeth Richards: Blessings- thank you for sharing your heart
Friday Feb 27, 2026
Friday Feb 27, 2026
The Dismantling of the Religious Self
Four Lenten Reflections on Delusion, Abandonment, and the Life That Remains in God
“Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.”John 12:24
The fathers speak very little about religious success. They speak constantly about religious delusion.
Not because religion is false, but because the ego can survive inside it indefinitely. It can pray. It can fast. It can obey. It can sacrifice. It can appear humble. It can appear faithful. It can appear entirely given to God.
And yet never cease to exist as the center of its own life.
The religious self is the final refuge of autonomy.
It is the last structure to collapse.
Christ did not come merely to forgive sin. He came to destroy the self that lives apart from Him and to raise the person into a life that is no longer his own.
This destruction does not occur all at once.
It occurs in stages.
First, the destruction of false fulfillment.
Then, the destruction of false righteousness.
Then, the destruction of the self that believed it belonged to God.
And finally, the revelation of the life that remains when the self that lived has died.
This is not metaphor. It is the path.
First Reflection The False Light That Feeds on Devotion
On Seeking Fulfillment in Religious Things Instead of God
“My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and behold the face of God?”Psalm 41:3 (42:2)
Evagrios of Pontus returns again and again to the command of the Lord because he knows the tragedy of the human heart. The command is heard. It is repeated. It is admired. But it is not yet obeyed.
“Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness.” Matthew 6:33
This is not because the man refuses God. It is because he does not yet know how to live from Him.
The soul seeks life with a desperation deeper than thought. It cannot endure emptiness. It cannot endure groundlessness. It must drink from something. And until it drinks from God Himself, it will drink from what surrounds Him.
This is the beginning of the spiritual life for nearly every man.
He turns away from obvious sin. He enters the life of prayer. He begins to fast. He reads the Scriptures. He studies the Fathers. He orders his days toward obedience and repentance. He removes himself from the chaos of the world and places himself among holy things.
Everything outwardly moves toward God.But inwardly, something subtle and terrible begins to form.The man begins to live not from God, but from religious life itself. He begins to draw life from proximity.
From belonging to the Church. From serving others. From participating in sacred rhythms. From being known as faithful. From being recognized as someone who has given his life to God.
These things give him structure. They give him identity. They give him continuity. They give him the sense that his life has weight and meaning.
And this feels like life.But it is not yet life in God.
Christ did not say blessed are those who surround themselves with religious things. He said, “Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in Me.” John 15:4
The branch may rest against the vine. It may touch the vine. It may appear connected to the vine.
But unless the life of the vine flows into it, it remains dead.
St. Isaac the Syrian speaks with terrifying clarity about this condition. He writes that the soul seeks rest relentlessly, but until it rests in God, it will rest in created things. Even in holy things. Even in prayer itself.
Because prayer can become a place where the ego hides.
St. John Climacus warns of this when he writes that vainglory attaches itself to every virtue like a parasite. It feeds on fasting. It feeds on prayer. It feeds on silence. It feeds on obedience. It feeds on tears.
It feeds on devotion itself.
It is possible to pray constantly and remain centered in oneself.
It is possible to serve constantly and remain untouched by God.
It is possible to build an entire life around God and never yet have surrendered one’s life to Him.
Christ speaks of this with devastating simplicity.
“Many will say to Me in that day, Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and do many mighty works in Your name? And then I will declare to them, I never knew you.” Matthew 7:22–23
He does not deny their works. He denies their communion.
They lived around Him. They acted in His name. They built their lives in His presence.
But they did not live from Him.This is the great danger of religious life. It offers proximity without union.
The ego adapts itself to religious structure because religious structure can sustain its existence indefinitely. The ego does not resist religion. It colonizes it.
Abba Macarius the Great said, “The heart itself is but a small vessel, yet dragons are there, and lions are there, and poisonous beasts are there, and all the treasures of wickedness are there. But there too is God.”
Both realities coexist for a long time.
The man prays, and the ego remains.
The man fasts, and the ego remains.
The man serves, and the ego remains.
The ego does not fear religious activity. It fears death.
Because Christ did not come merely to improve the ego. He came to crucify it.
“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me.” Galatians 2:20
This is not metaphor. It is ontological violence.
The ego can survive prayer. It cannot survive crucifixion.
This is why the ego draws life from religious participation rather than from God Himself. Because participation strengthens its continuity. Communion destroys its autonomy.
Archimandrite Zacharias Zacharou writes that God allows the man to labor in the life of the Church for years while this hidden foundation remains intact. Not
because God is absent, but because the man is not yet capable of bearing the loss of himself.
So God permits him to live from secondary things. From belonging.From service.From stability.
From identity.
These things are not evil. They are merciful accommodations to weakness.
But they cannot give life.
The prophet Jeremiah speaks with words that cut through every illusion.
“They have forsaken Me, the fountain of living water, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water.” Jeremiah 2:13
The tragedy is not that the cisterns are wicked. It is that they cannot sustain life. They leak.They empty.They must constantly be refilled.
The man must constantly reaffirm himself.
He must remain useful. He must remain faithful. He must remain visible. He must remain necessary.
Because his life depends on these conditions. But life in God does not depend on conditions. Life in God survives abandonment.It survives obscurity.
It survives uselessness.It survives the loss of identity itself.This is why God begins, at a certain point, to remove the cisterns.Not as punishment.As mercy.He allows the man to lose what sustained his sense of himself.He allows him to lose position.He allows him to lose recognition.He allows him to lose certainty.He allows him to lose the emotional consolations that once accompanied prayer. Prayer becomes dry.Service becomes empty.The structures that once gave life now give nothing.This is the beginning of truth.
St. Silouan the Athonite describes this moment as the withdrawal of grace that reveals to the man the true poverty of his soul. He writes that when grace withdraws, the soul sees its own weakness and learns that it cannot live without God.
Not without religious life.Without God.The distinction becomes absolute.The man discovers that he does not yet know how to live from God Himself. He only knows how to live from what surrounds Him.
This revelation feels like death. Because something is dying. The false center.The imagined continuity.
The self that lived from participation instead of communion.
Christ spoke of this death when He said, “Whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.” Matthew 16:25
This loss is not symbolic. It is experiential. It is terrifying.Because the ego experiences the loss of its foundations as annihilation.Abba Moses said, “Go, sit in your cell, and your cell will teach you everything.” What does the cell teach?It teaches the man that he does not yet live from God.It removes distraction. It removes affirmation. It removes reinforcement.And what remains is his poverty.His inability to give himself life.His inability to sustain himself.His inability to exist without drinking from God.This is the beginning of real prayer.Not prayer that expresses devotion.Prayer that expresses need.Not prayer that affirms identity.Prayer that arises from groundlessness.
The publican understood this when he stood at a distance and said, “God, be merciful to me, a sinner.” Luke 18:13
He had nothing left to sustain himself.
And Christ says he went home justified.
Because justification begins when illusion ends.
God does not remove the false light to harm the man.
He removes it to save him.
Because whatever the man cannot lose without losing himself has become his god.
God removes every false god.
Even the religious ones.
Until only God remains.
St. Isaac the Syrian writes that the man who has learned to live from God alone becomes free from all fear. He can lose everything and remain alive.
Because his life no longer depends on created things. It depends on the uncreated God.This is the passage from religious life into real life. The passage from devotion into communion.
The passage from illusion into truth. It begins in loss.It ends in God.
Sunday Jul 13, 2025
Sunday Jul 13, 2025
Links provided to the group:
Outline: https://mcusercontent.com/c38acab568d650f7ef65f39df/files/250d23a5-4286-ca11-aa97-511cb2db99e7/Phronema_Outline_2025.pdf
Phronema in the Teachings of Archimandrite Zacharias Zacharou: https://mcusercontent.com/c38acab568d650f7ef65f39df/files/bcb1bdd1-e77a-1f58-b90d-8070e0f7f9d5/Phronema_in_Teachings_of_Zacharias_Zacharou.pdf
Quotes: https://mcusercontent.com/c38acab568d650f7ef65f39df/files/e2d2937f-cb54-e3d1-e164-4fffc0d409da/Collection_of_Quotes_on_Phronema_2025.pdf
Thursday Jun 26, 2025
Thursday Jun 26, 2025
Text of chat during the group:
00:15:43 Fr. Charbel Abernethy: https://mcusercontent.com/c38acab568d650f7ef65f39df/files/7dc24fb1-6e46-0667-4ec1-01790064a60b/Thirst_for_God_Zacharou.pdf
00:16:31 Fr. Charbel Abernethy: https://mcusercontent.com/c38acab568d650f7ef65f39df/files/7dc24fb1-6e46-0667-4ec1-01790064a60b/Thirst_for_God_Zacharou.pdf
00:16:48 Fr. Charbel Abernethy: https://mcusercontent.com/c38acab568d650f7ef65f39df/files/506f6085-0052-3e6d-7e04-806ca4478091/Thirst_for_God_handout_of_quotes.pdf
00:17:35 Lou Judd: Thank you so much for offering this talk, Father. Gd bless you!
01:19:17 Suzanne Romano: Does not this thirst presuppose a willingness to suffer?
01:21:45 Michael Rosteet: A Willingness to Sacrifice in order to satisfy thirst
01:21:50 Mark Kelly: Reacted to "A Willingness to Sac..." with 👍
01:28:39 Anne: Reacted to A Willingness to Sac... with "👍"
01:32:34 Suzanne Romano: I just heard that St. Francis de Sales said that suffering is the 8th Sacrament!
01:34:08 Mark Kelly: "To them that long for the presence of the living God, the thought of Him is sweetest itself: but there is no satiety, rather an ever-increasing appetite...” ― Bernard of Clairvaux, On Loving God
01:40:09 Naina: Thank you so much Father🙏☦️❤️ Needed this 🙏
01:40:51 Jade: Reacted to "Thank you so much Fa…" with ❤️
01:41:55 Suzanne Romano: Great topic!
01:42:09 Una: Profound! Thank you!
01:42:15 paulmccloskey: Thank you. Yes, this has been very helpful.
01:42:23 Julie: Beautiful
01:42:42 John Sullivan: Excellent, will there access to the recording afterwards?
01:42:50 Art: This was wonderful! Thank you!
01:43:15 Lou Judd: I still don’t understand replace satisfaction with expectation
01:43:37 Karine: Very helpful Father, God bless you
01:43:45 Craig Klampe: Thank you. Yes. Will this be a podcast?
01:43:59 Eric Ewanco: Will this recording be posted?
01:44:03 Jade: Thank you Father, Beautiful!
I have felt the closest to God in my suffering.
I can’t remember who said this maybe Saint Anthony the great, but it was something along the lines of “The devil taught me how to pray, The demons would tempt me and I would run to God in prayer, the further they would tempt me the more I would run to prayer, therefore the devil taught me how to pray”. I’ve never related so deeply to something.
01:44:12 Andrew Adams: Thanks be to God! Thank you, father!
01:44:15 cameron: Thank you.
01:44:17 Rebecca Thérèse: Thank you, have a good retreat🙂
01:44:20 Una: Where is this library?
01:44:22 Adam Paige: Thank you so much Father !!!!
01:45:27 Una: Thank you
Saturday Nov 04, 2023
Saturday Nov 04, 2023
A lecture presented at Duquesne University, in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, on Tuesday, October 24, 2023. Sponsored by the Department of Catholic Studies.
Saturday May 27, 2023
Saturday May 27, 2023
Friday May 26, 2023
Wednesday Apr 05, 2023
Wednesday Apr 05, 2023
As a special reflection for this Holy Week, we chose a reading from Fr., Thomas Acklin‘s book “The Passion of the Lamb.” In particular we reflected on the chapter entitled “Behold His Face.” As one participant in tonight‘s group stated: “This reflection is a gem!” I agree. It is a rarest of gems and I’m grateful to Fr. Tom for writing it and the entire book. While small, it has had an incalculable effect upon me and I hope for all who listen to this podcast.
What Fr. Tom seeks to do is to open our minds and our hearts to the truth revealed in the Passion of Christ. So often we approach this mystery bound by the limits of our reason and our sin. Fr. Tom challenges us to allow ourselves to be guided and drawn into the mystery by faith; to comprehend what God has revealed to us and what is beyond the measure of man’s mind.
Many Christians throughout the centuries have struggled with the mystery of the Cross and the reality of our Lord’s suffering. Theologically, the human mind, almost in a form of resistance, intellectually and spiritually, tries to hold on to the notion of God being impassible. We are comfortable with notions of God being all powerful and all knowing. What we have trouble understanding and what we are often unwilling to embrace is the reality of a God who is Omni-kenotic and Omni-vulnerable. What Fr. Tom wants us to reflect upon is a God in whom we see and attribute not human deficiencies and sinfulness, hatred, ignorance, or illness. Rather, he wants us to contemplate and attribute to God in an infinite and perfect way the good qualities that we have in a finite and even deficient way. Thus, Fr. Tom says, rather than being impassible, incapable of feeling or having passion as we do as human beings, it would be more accurate to say that not only Christ but all three persons of the Trinity are infinitely caring, infinitely affected by us; Omni-passible. To believe such a thing is to understand that “at the height of his agony, he could see, not only the people who stood before him, jeering or weeping, but all the people of all time. He saw us in our loving and in our refusing to love, our sinning and our repenting. At the same eternal moment, he took on all the moments of every life and death. He could be the infinite love of God in person to each human being who ever lived, and who will ever live.”
May God bless us this Holy Week with the gift of faith to see this love, this perfect vulnerability, even in the smallest measure.
---
Text of chat during the group:
00:05:42 FrDavid Abernethy: https://mcusercontent.com/c38acab568d650f7ef65f39df/files/679d1720-7a17-e9b4-7355-2bd4ae5431fd/Behold_His_Face_Booklet.pdf
00:14:52 Cath Lamb: I don't have microphone or camera 😊
00:18:31 Rebecca Thérèse: England
00:18:36 CathyQ: Canadian too!
00:18:41 Kristen's I Phone: Alberta Canada!
00:18:59 Michael: Pittsburgh!
00:19:07 michele: Buffalo ny
00:19:09 Cath Lamb: Colorado USA
00:19:10 kevin: BOSTON
00:19:16 James Moran: Appleton WI
00:39:47 Michael: Shroud of Turin video
https://www.youtube.com/live/HAbuG-oVq1Q?feature=share
00:43:25 CathyQ: Reacted to "Shroud of Turin vide..." with ❤️
01:44:49 Sean: Hi Father, I think (from what I have seen) that a problem might be people seeing heaven in the future rather than deification as a reality we can begin to participate in here and now. ☦️
01:44:49 Rebecca Thérèse: Thank you🙂
01:45:53 Kristen's I Phone: Reacted to "Shroud of Turin vide…" with ❤️
01:47:30 sheri: Thank you. Good night.
01:47:40 Patricia: Thank You!
01:47:46 Michael: Thank you Fr
01:48:04 Kristen's I Phone: Thank you!
01:48:12 michele: Thank you
01:48:53 kevin: beautiful talk excellent , thank you for sharing Father
01:49:08 David Fraley: Thank you, Father David.
01:49:09 Sr Barbara Jean Mihalchick: Fr. Tom needs our +prayers.. He's sick.
01:49:28 Sr Barbara Jean Mihalchick: Long term problem
01:49:34 Patricia: Do you know Fr. Justin?
Thursday Mar 23, 2023
Thursday Mar 16, 2023
Thursday Mar 16, 2023
INTERIORIZED MONASTICISM PART II FUNDAMENTAL ELEMENTS
• Prayer• Eschatological Maximalism• Evangelical Counsels as Seen through Three Temptations of Christ in the Desert:
1. Poverty
Next Week:
Chastity: the Sacredness of Creation and the Virginity of Heart that Should Belong to All
Obedience to God: Receptivity to the Spirit of Truth and the Creative Freedom of the Life of Grace.
Sunday Mar 12, 2023
Sunday Mar 12, 2023
I have one word for tonight‘s group: Beautiful! Repentance “brings to us the power of the living God, revealing once again, the true Christ Jesus who dwells in us.” As with so many aspects of the faith, we have a tendency to compartmentalize not only the practice of virtue or of prayer but of our relationship with God as a whole. Yet our faith and our relationship with God should touch the very fabric of our beings and shape the essence of every relationship and every work that we engage in throughout the course of our lives. It should shape also our experience of death and our realization of our own mortality. Repentance is not an episodic reality but a continual effort, the continual straining of the heart - reaching out to God to experience his love and mercy. In this sense it is the most important of things.
---
Text of chat during the group:
00:06:18 sue and mark: microphone is not working
00:08:33 Ren Witter: PDF Handout: https://mcusercontent.com/c38acab568d650f7ef65f39df/files/34558acb-864f-f9f8-1546-e7decdc9605b/Repentance.pdf
00:34:44 charlesevers: What gets us (causes) trapped into thinking of past sins?
00:34:55 Irene Bridget Hutchinson: Fr, how would a scrupulous person go about being constantly repentant with peace of soul?
00:44:00 David: The past few years I have also focused on taking time in prayer and adoration to express gratitude and thanksgiving. Isn't it equality important to give thanks as to deepen repentance. No amount of regret changes the past, no amount of worry will change the future but any gratitude will change the present.
00:50:52 charlesevers: Very good. Thank you Father. Excellent explanation.
00:55:37 charlesevers: St. Bonaventure wrote a colloquay
01:12:54 Rachel : Yes. Only true Beauty. Most,. I include myself, can tend to misuse t|
01:21:53 Missi White: That's a tough pill to swallow, especially in what has become such a narcissistic culture. How I needed this conference, thank you!
01:24:26 Art: Helpful reminder for me at times: But to all who received him, who believed in his name, he gave power to become children of God; who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God. (Jn 1:12-13)
01:25:21 Bonnie Lewis: I have found that when I pray for someone who is causing me to harbor a resentment toward them, I am the one who changes internally. The other person may remain exactly how they were, yet I have received a peace of mind and thought toward them. This doesn't happen overnight. sometimes it takes some time.
01:36:29 Rachel : Who wrote the book? A continual effort. With no temptation or battle a soldier is not made stronger through resisting. St. Faustina, and St Therese had clear experiences of people who tried their patience. They felt the irritation. Its not like the new lens that Father is speaking of will mean that somone will not need to actively practice patience but that the life of repentence, living constantly in the presence of God, in Truth, the person "drunk with compunction" just simply cannot not forgive when they see who they really are in Christ and the dignity of others as well. All mankind seen through the lens of love
01:37:12 Rachel : This book should be gone through very slowly.
01:41:33 Rachel : I think Ren mentioned that this past year in a group! I need to get that book.
01:44:13 Bonnie Lewis: Thank you Father David. This was beautiful.
01:44:15 David: Thank you Father!
01:44:27 charlesevers: Thank you Father. This was wonderful
01:44:30 Lori Hatala: so very helpful.
01:44:31 Rachel : lol
01:44:31 Rebecca Thérèse: Thank you 🙂
01:44:32 Melissa Kummerow: Yes thank you! I like the occasional "bonus" groups :)
01:44:34 Rachel : Thank you
01:45:17 Rachel : Thank you
01:45:18 Lorraine Green: Thank you
01:45:26 Cindy Moran: I hope Father's talj will be available for what I missed.
01:45:27 Rachel : Praying for you
01:45:31 Mary Jo: Thank you !!
01:45:31 Mitch: Very profound. Thankyou Father take care
Thursday Mar 09, 2023
Thursday Mar 09, 2023
INTRODUCTION TO INTERIORIZED MONASTICISM
Interiorized Monasticism and Ascetic Ideal:• Obscured: Out of reach to majority.• Revealed: Fundamental principle of life in Christ.
Eschatological Dimensions:
Obscured: Life cut off from the world or world cut off
from life of the kingdom.
Revealed: Incarnation and kingdom of God present;
Kingdom within through gift of the Spirit (active eschatology, touching every aspect of the world; living now in light of the End).
Beauty Saves the World:
Obscured: Culture as cult, autonomous from God and
guided by sensibilities of the age.
Revealed: Rediscovery of culture through the beauty
of holiness. Jesus is the Holy One - the most beautiful of the sons of men. He is the perfect icon, manifesting God unveiled.
The Monastic Ideal:
Obscured: Return to the ancient forms of monastic
ascesis.
Revealed: Internalized. The human psyche is renewed
from within.
Five Fundamental Elements of Interiorized Monasticism (Upcoming Lectures):
• Prayer• Eschatological Maximalism • Poverty• Chastity• Obedience
Friday Mar 03, 2023
Friday Mar 03, 2023
Tonight we explored an often neglected aspect of the spiritual life; or one might better say an essential part of the spiritual life – Fasting. Throughout the spiritual tradition, we have heard the Saints tell us that “prayer without fasting is weak” or that “where there is no prayer and fasting there are demons.”
With the coming of Christ, however, we see a unique and distinctive meaning of fasting emerge. It is not only a discipline to help order the appetites or a form of penitence. It is tied directly to Christ: what we see in His practice and in what He teaches us about it. His own fasting is guided by the Holy Spirit in preparation for embracing the Father’s will, and His desire that it might be accomplished. Beyond this, Christ teaches us that our practice of fasting is forever tied to our desire for Him. He is the Heavenly Bridegroom and each soul the Bride. We see and experience in Him the One alone who can satisfy the deepest desires of the human heart. He is the Bread of Life.
The focus of our discussion this night was on recapturing not only the practice of fasting, but seeing it as something that is to be “loved”, precisely because it draws us to Christ. It is not a discipline but a path to draw nearer to the Beloved.
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Text of chat during the group:
00:25:01 Stephen McCane: I have doing this “Exodus 90” and it is like a warm up to Lent.
00:25:51 Stephen McCane: For women it is called “Fiat 90”.
00:45:48 Adam Paige: Hi Father, should laypeople share their Lenten fasting plans with their spiritual director in the same way Saint Benedict instructs his monks to do with their spiritual father in his rule ?
01:14:51 Victoria: here is the book pdf: https://ia902908.us.archive.org/6/items/tolovefasting/To%20Love%20Fasting.pdf
01:15:41 Victoria: Free on Internet Archive :)
01:16:14 Adam Paige: Original version in French: https://folleautonomie.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/adalbert-de-Vogue-Aimer-Le-Jeune.pdf
01:21:00 Adam Paige: Reacted to "here is the book pdf…" with 👍
01:33:07 angelo: Reacted to "here is the book pdf..." with ❤️
01:33:20 angelo: Replying to "here is the book pdf..."
thank you
01:33:53 Matt Mondorff: I’ve found that our physical bodies don’t require much food, it’s mainly our mind and habits that convince us that we’re hungry. So to realize that and push through the initial hunger, knowing it’s coming but we’ll be ok has helped me a lot. Then, little by little it gets easier to go longer and longer. Eating healthy and moderately helps also…it seems to my anyway
01:47:52 Lori Hatala: you can saute in broth.
01:48:12 Fr. Michael Winn: A former monk of Mt. Athos once told me that in North America it would be inadvisable to stop all use of oil during the winter seasons - reduce, but do not eliminate.
01:57:15 Kathy: My experience of fasting is that it is a type of prayer in and of itself.
01:59:22 angelo: Thank you for that short clarification of the centering prayer and the danger of falling into delusion.
02:06:09 angelo: Thank you so much Fr.
02:06:29 Lori Hatala: thank you so much Father.
02:06:31 Stephen McCane: Thank you Father.
02:06:33 Ryan McMann: Thank you!
02:06:40 Monk Maximos: Thank you Father
02:07:18 kevin: thanks father that was great!!
02:07:21 Rebecca Thérèse: Thank you🙂
02:07:22 Fr. Michael Winn: Thanks, Father!
02:07:25 Rachel Pineda: Thank you father Abernethy!!
02:07:31 Siggy Evers: Thank you Fr.
Monday Mar 28, 2022
Monday Mar 28, 2022
Lecture given by Father David S. Abernethy, C.O. on Saturday, March 26.
Monday Feb 28, 2022
Monday Feb 28, 2022
Tonight we had the opportunity to discuss asceticism as a preparation for the holy season of Lent. We find in the spiritual tradition a clear call to enter into a struggle to live the life of faith to its fullest. We are to strive to enter by the narrow gate.
When we look to the Scriptures and the writings of the Saints we see very clearly that they took no passive approach to the embrace of the faith. They knew that it must be lived and that their life must undergo a revolution. To live in accord with the beatitudes or the sermon on the mount means that one will not fit into the norms of this world. Just the opposite. In so far as we experience ease within this world, or experience success and the favors of this world we may be living a life at enmity with God.
Our life should be about seeking to love God above all things and seeking to please him. Our exercise of the faith, our asceticism, means nothing if it is merely an exercise of endurance. It must be rooted in our desire for God and the things of God. It must be rooted in love.
Seen in this light, Lent should not be simply a 40 day period that comes and goes; but rather a springboard into a more committed life in Christ. Lent is about repentance; turning toward God and away from self and sin. May we take this truth to heart and so know the healing of God‘s grace in all of its fullness.
---
Text of chat during the group:
00:03:14 Jean-Paul: in a vow of digital simplicity no camera and no mic
00:20:12 Jean-Paul: Could you please re-state the name of that journal
00:47:16 Andrew musano: “Do that which is good, and no evil shall touch you. Prayer is good with fasting and alms and righteousness. A little with righteousness is better than much with unrighteousness. It is better to give alms than to lay up gold: For alms doth deliver from death, and shall purge away all sin. Those that exercise alms and righteousness shall be filled with life: But they that sin are enemies to their own life.”
+ St. Raphael the Archangel, Tobit 12:7-10
00:50:41 Anthony: Contendire in Latin. Contend. Not just "you signed an intellectual contract to get to Heaven."
00:51:30 Jean-Paul: The Great Fast begins with the Exultation of the Cross Sept.14
00:53:00 Louise A: My dear Father always practiced Ember day fasting....if I remember they were originally associated with the great feasts Christmas,Easter, Pentecost.
00:56:30 Andrew musano: Listed below is dates for Fasting in the East. I hope this helps.
https://secureservercdn.net/166.62.112.219/1a3.c9d.myftpupload.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/the-fasts-of-the-orthodox-church.pdf
01:04:13 Jean-Paul: Carthusian guidance on fasting http://www.quies.org/quies_fasting.php
01:05:30 Jean-Paul: Carthusian fasting for the Fathers is usually on Fridays and consists of eating solely bread and water
01:10:47 Andrew musano: Let all involuntary suffering teach you to remember God, and you will not lack occasion for repentance.
+ St. Mark the Ascetic, “On the Spiritual Law: Two Hundred Texts” No. 57, The Philokalia: The Complete Text (Vol. 1)
01:18:56 Andrew musano: Ash Wednesday Is a beautiful tradition.
01:28:21 Andrew musano: A foretaste of Heaven on Earth
01:36:09 Ren: The adults are the real annoyance. Lets get rid of all of them :-D ;-)
01:48:59 Jean-Paul: Can anyone tell how long tonights gather will be
01:50:56 Jean-Paul: We are on page 4 will we complete the PDF tonight?
01:52:26 Andrew musano: “It is necessary for a Christian to fast, in order to clear his mind, to rouse and develop his feelings, and to stimulate his will to useful activity. These three human capabilities we darken and stifle above all by ‘surfeiting, and drunkenness, and cares of this life’ (Lk. 21:34).”
— St. John of Kronstadt, My Life in Christ
02:10:22 Jean-Paul: More than 40% of the women over 75 live alone -- perhaps there are more hermits and monks than one knows.
02:11:11 Bonnie: This has given me an entirely new way to prepare for Lent. Much deeper, more meaningful, and hopefully long lasting. Thank you Father!
02:11:17 Miron Kerul Kmec: thank you
02:11:24 ellice: Thank you! This was beautiful
02:11:28 Jean-Paul: Peace and all good
02:11:29 Andrew musano: Thank you Fr.
02:11:40 Anthony: Thank you :)
02:11:50 Larisa Cowell: Thank you Father I loved it.
02:12:04 Louise A: many thanks Father